Rocks are sentient and they are here to take over the world

My name is Alexander Garcia. I am a student at LSC-Cyfair, and seemingly the only student to see through the mirage of false rock facts straight to the truth: rocks are sentient, and they are taking over the world. The fact that I have this ability is part of the reason why I began this blog about rocks.

Of course, this blog is mostly satirical in nature. Mostly.

Positioning agents in plain sight proved to be far too easy.  The rocks now have direct influence over vast swaths of young impressionable Americans.  Through means of entertainment, the corruption of our youth has commenced and the pro-rock propaganda has taken root in the every day lives of the average citizen.  

Top theorists speculate that Mr. Johnson is not the only infiltrator, as names such as Danny Devito, David Schwimmer, and Barack Obama have been linked to suspicious behavior and pro-rock attitudes.  The true extent of how many agents that the rocks have is currently unknown.  

The rocks have begun their assault on the United States, and strangely have picked New Hampshire as their base of operations.  The reason for their choice is not clearly evident, as New Hampshire sucks and is cold, but what do the rocks care.  They are impervious to cold and thrive in boring environments.  Locals fear for the worst as stores run out of pickaxes and Rock-Be-Gone spray.  It is only a matter of time before the next invasion strikes.